Tuesday, June 18, 2013

What A Typical Man Boy Hipster Comedian's Girlfriend Looks Like

Muy Bonita, I can't deny.
 
Cute couple?


Not entirely. But nice jawline surgery, Dan!
 
 
What else is new among dorky, slightly under-developed looking white guys who finally hit the big time in media? True, Daniel Tosh is the only funny guy on Comedy Central next to Jon Stewart and every other douche bag on that channel who are all about as funny as Ricky Gervais and David Letterman. I'm just glad Amy Schumer is now on once a week to help fill some of that annoying vapid void at least. 

Thursday, June 13, 2013

Sometimes, I Just Want To Curse The Gods

Eat your heart out Jon Bacon and GerARd Butler

Perhaps the most amazing jawline of all time.

Hello, I'm never going to boink you - but here, take a pic.

OMG. He's turning into a biggum. Thank you Jesus!

Almost 6'2. Kill me now.
 
Images blatantly snagged by laineygossip.com.
 
 
 
I just want to give a shout out to the Lord Almighty: WHY DID YOU GIVE ME THESE FUCKING GENES?  My sorry parents never should have bred in the first place because apparently Slavic/German/Irish/Asiatic genes are a really bad combination. Now I have two more thoughts on SuperStud, 1. Gina is not at the NYC SM Premier.  2. I should be overjoyed.
3. Why is he already giving me a Matt Bomer vibe? 4. NO, God, don't do this to me.
 
 I'm not going to play tricks with my mind and assume there's any chance in Hell that my Henry is nothing but a lady's man in the closet. I can't bring myself to think about this. I can't deal with it before my heart explodes - especially since the NYC SM Premier was probably only 80 blocks away from me.
Bare with me for a sec,
 
Hopefully this will confuse law enforcement.
 

 
Okay, so, (wwwwwhhhssssssss) maybe I should finally come to terms that quite possibly Henry might be gay (or quite possibly he might have seen the 'light' and started dating some 'pretty' skinny chic - which still equates to horrible taste).   And even if this Matt Impostor/Clone might look a little too apprehensively gitty and eye mesmerizing with the cameras as he walks while looking more bashful while trying to look studly - he's still a man of steak.  Plus, he's got a phat ass lately.
 
 Either way, and I'm not saying this since I'm a little high, I am so going to see Man of Steel come hell or high water (no one I know really wants to see it...at least not right away). I will go by myself
 
 


Tuesday, June 4, 2013

I'd Personally Like To Thank Michael Douglas For His Public Service Announcement.




Image from People.com

Thee Mr. Michael Douglas apparently got throat cancer from HPV through the grossest form of oral sex imaginable...which is only a reminder as to why I hate those people who just readily assume that I and Edie Falco are vagina licking lesbos just based on our jaw lines.  Speaking of nothing to do with throat cancer, I could never be gay  just based on

1. Like homo-pandering, Lady Gaga, I was not born that way.

2. I'm fairly sure that I speak for most straight women, who aren't pretending to be into any and all "trisexual" behavior for the sake of being "hip" and "sexy", that women's vaginas are  gross sexually and orally speaking.  Let's just be honest about that - instead of pretending to be "socially" correct. You can dunk your ass in peroxide for an hour, and it still won't matter - because the Gods just had to make that part of woman's body yucky...especially in the summer...even if she's a natural blonde for some of you dumb fucks. If you want to blame the player, I'd say hate God for doing this to all women.  A vagina is made for a penis or a strap on. And that's that.

3. If I were a straight man, I'm not exactly sure what kind of woman I'd be into (other than skinny and underdeveloped sexually unattractive women had I been brought up in a fucked up westernized country like the o'l USofA as a male), but I'm pretty sure I'd still - definitely - plead a 68 and a half.

Either way, since I being the straight (!) woman that I am, and since I'm worse than most black women, I've always hated/reneged on giving bjs even to guys who looked a lot like Matt Mcconaughey.  Okay, that's not really true for my past (two) MandMs  -- but forget about anything more than twenty or so seconds.

So, thanks to Mr. - that's thee Mr. Michael Douglas (nice how people like that aren't nearly as tainted with the likes of pee pee cancer), I can now plea the HPV scared defense to all my mens out there - as well as a good o'l fashioned 35 (after a tie down and some spanking...which is purely safe so long as neither one of us is a violent sociopath).

Wednesday, May 29, 2013

Nothing More Depressing Than Knowing The One You Love Thinks His Unattractive Girlfriend is Ah-mazing.

Oh suck it, Celebitchy.com, so I snagged some more pics.

And nice dig you've got btw.

Very Nice.

Oh - look it's Henry's 'amazing'ly strong gal pal.
They're like brothers, no?

"Hey, Dweeb, wanna ride?"
 
Blatantly snagged from Celebitchy.com of which I'm now banned from logging on unless I go the Google route. 
 
 
"Henry lives half the time in LA with Gina Carano: When not in London, Cavill makes his home here with his girlfriend. Her name, he says, “is Gina,” which comes out in a way that suggests he doesn’t want to answer any more questions about his girlfriend. “She’s amazing,” he says. “Gina” is known to everyone else as Gina Carano, the MMA fighter turned actress who is also conveniently rumored to be the next Wonder Woman. Cavill has chosen to walk up the street, leaving the car at home. “I’m not much of a schmoozer,” he says, “not much of an eventgoer. I’d rather stay close to here. This doesn’t feel like L.A. It doesn’t feel like work.”
 
 
Well, I'll bay damned, I didn't know this pile of puffy stud muffin was Anglish? Really, now - wow.  As much as I may fail to stomach a boat load of Britishy twerps in tight spaces other than this one in my tight space bada-bow!, I'd say, I could learn to let live without wanting to bash another imbred, annoying snooty ball British yachtie or say, Gordon Ramsay/Piers Morgan/Ricky Gervais in the head at this point in time.  Then again, this man does NOT - I repeat, NOT - look Britishy at all, which is why I thought he was an American. Wow. He had me fooled. He could have been from Arizona to Texas for all I knew. 
 
What an amazing American accent this man can don on; he can tutor GerARd Butler!  
 
As far as his 'amazing' girlfriend, girlfriend, let me just remind you why she might be 'amazing', he's somewhere else every other six months. That and she might be quite good at carrying him through the threshold before she slams Superboy onto their California king size bed....that and I bet she's a mean thruster.  Bada-bing!
 

Monday, May 27, 2013

Dumb Ugly Black Men Are So Annoying

What ever this young chic is going through is not really our beez wax - no matter how snarky and stupid bloggers can be.  To make fun of Amanda Bynes or not hasn't been much of an interest to myself, but when I saw this video on Perezhilton.com, I was floored (then again wasn't too surprised), because who else be dumb and stupid enough to put his hands (repeatedly) on anyone in that manner than a stupid ass unattractive black man.  Which is why I loved reading Mugged by Ann Coulter.  Stop spoiling and allowing those dumb assholes acting the fool...including customer service reps.  Half those assholes should be fired. I sure would have been fired if I acted the same.  
 
Just today in Brooklyn - which was just another day of - yet another black unattractive hood rat who came up to me and commented about how illegal my "booty" is in public...and whether or not I was racist for ignoring him before I shamed him about how "I'd rather that information not be shared while I'm running errands...yo.".  Sure, I appreciate any man's fine taste in biggums, but what if I, a white, Jewish looking woman, went up to Jon Hamm in Hollywood buying beer and said something along the lines of, "Damn boywa, that hammaconda should be illegal, you puttin even me to shame. Can I have an autograph at least....what - you racist??  Whatchu say? Man, I ain't no stalker! Oh so it's like that. You ugly in person anyway!"  
 
I must say, Girl showed amazing restraint because if it were me, I'd be locked up all over again, and this time - pretty much legitimately.  
 
 
 
 

http://youtu.be/p2fC7tUGD6I

Monday, May 20, 2013

Who in the hell listens to Taylor Swift??

"Oh my God???? Really??"

So this years Bill Boards Jackpot winner goes to (surprise surprise) Taylor Swift. Make that Taylor Fucking Swift because she won lots of trophies tonight.  And that is because (surprise surprise) we are all still living in mediocrity that we call the US of A.  For some of you bozos with really gnarly taste in music and thigh gapping, ditzy blondes who sing as bad as the rest of us, I'd like to personally thank you by throwing a huge bird your way.  Sit and spin, TS fans, sit spin...but wait, WHO IN THE WORLD listens to this kind of crap anyway?  Because I know it's not just a bunch of dubious twelve year old girls who have yet to learn about real high fashion, fat asses, thick, shapely legs and kick ass progressive rock and electronic music.

I firmly believe that once the federal minimum wage is recalculated to a proper poverty line wage once and for all, any and all TS will cease to exist. Ditto for Kanye West, Kid Rock, Keisha, Britney, One Direction and the rest of the 85 percent who were ever nominated this year - all of who I wish would  get run over by a bus already for having the temerity to pollute our eyes and ears every year for the past TWENTY or so years.

Wednesday, May 15, 2013

Lady Biggum has taught her man, Henry Cavill, well. Dammit.

Shit, he's symmetrical. Ugh!

Maybe not...yes!

Look how huge this woman is compared to him!

I guess that's why she wears lot of black, no?



That - or they have a fantastic sexy time life. As much as I've groveled and squinted at Henry's woman and her arms and the rest of her big bones, I've tried, yet again, to see what in Sam's Hell do guys like this see in ordinary biggum women? Because where's my Henry Cavill already? Do I really have to be good at something like commercials and bad movies or science before I score a tall, hot actor or anyone who's hot for that matter - with at least a fifty percent higher paycheck than mine? Come the fuck on now (God)!  Stop birthing more females! Maybe China has a point.

According to Glamour.com, Henry's a monogamous guy who loves "conservative" woman. That'd be me baby! I just switch parties from democrat to independent - so where are all the Henrys of Hollywood at? If gorgeous female celebs (i.e., Christina Hendricks, Anne Hathaway, BeyoncĂ©...) are saving themselves for ugly men and with ugly genes, surely there should be someone with way better genes than mine who are into women like me.  Then again, I'm stuck in NYC...the land of loads and loads of toads no taller than 6'2 on average. Fucking immigration.



"When he put on the Superman costume: “Laugh?” Henry Cavill is staring at me incredulously. “Of course I didn’t laugh. For a guy, it’s pretty much the most awesome moment you can possibly imagine.”
His private life: “It’s important to keep your private life separate from your professional life when you’re in the public eye, otherwise the two get horribly blended together and it bites you in the ass one day… [Celebrity relationships] take a lot of understanding from the other person, because there’s a lot of time apart, but I’ve always been a monogamous man.”
His taste in ladies: “What’s important to me is that a woman has confidence in what she is, as opposed to trying to conform to someone else’s type.” We establish that he dislikes aggressive women “because they’re always on the defensive” and that romantically, he’s “old-school, but still very much of the times”.
He likes ladies who drink a lot: “l like a good drinking buddy… and I can drink a lot”
He doesn’t want ladies to dress provocatively: “There’s something incredibly sexy about a dress that leaves you guessing.”
He loves women’s bodies: “Well, what’s great is a woman’s shape as a whole. I mean, no artist could imagine a more beautiful shape. It’s incredible. A man can look attractive, beautiful even, but nothing like a woman naked. That’s why women would rather look at other naked women than at men.”
He’s not going to drop trou for the hell of it: “I’m not a big fan of getting naked for the sake of it. I wouldn’t use a body double, because I’m particular about the physicality of acting, but I won’t just get my arse out because people are insisting I do.”
Bulking up/dieting, etc: “The ‘major bulking’ phase came first and that was fun. That meant eating 5,000 calories a day. The best thing about that phase is that you’re really strong and even though you don’t look great, because you’re carrying a lot of extra fat, you’re always in a really good mood. The leaning down phase is the hardest, because although you’re looking great, you’re always in a bad mood because you’re so hungry.” Welcome to the world of the Hollywood starlet. “I know,” he nods grimly. “When I got my first role, in The Count Of Monte Cristo, I was told to lose a stone and a half. It was a lot, but I was a chubby kid, and if you have to play a physically attractive role in Hollywood then maybe you have to pull your socks up. Still, I’m aware that women are sometimes horribly mistreated in terms of weight. They mistreat themselves too, though, because they often think they’re overweight when they’re not. I hate it when women starve themselves…”
On the 50 Shades of Grey rumors: “Put it this way,” he says. “I’ve not read a script, spoken to a producer or a director…” He has, however, read a few opening chapters. “Not exactly chaste writing, is it?” he smirks. “I’ve always preferred the implied sex scene anyway, because having it spelt out always seems a bit tacky. Sex is so readily available to us in every form of media now, so it’s no longer that exciting on screen.”
On being star-struck: “I’ve never really been star-struck by anyone. I’ve always looked at things realistically and thought, ‘Just because you make a lot of money and you’re famous, it doesn’t mean that you deserve to be worshipped.’ Even when I was at school, my heroes were always my brothers and my mum and dad.”

Snagged from Celebitchy.com which was snagged from Glamour.com